There are some things that need writing down for the benefit of future generations. Those that are unminuteable for whatever reason can be found here.

Date Name Quote Notes
20 Jan. 2018 Rob F You can't really control Andy's anus
17 Jan. 2018 Julie What was that pub where the Beatles started playing in Liverpool? ... The Cavendish...? When you've spent too long in Cambridge...
4 Oct. 2017 Random posh fresher Wait, wait! This is CUMS! Cambridge University Music Society is an endless source of entertainment...
9 Aug. 2017 Richard Walker We're more like punkish rogues
27 July 2017 Andy T I always have spare tank in the gas for sex
25 July 2017 Andy T That's "Here Come the Champions" by Queen
22 June 2017 Andy T Everytime I burp, it's a mixture of butterscotch and scallop
22 May 2017 Andy T Maybe one day I'll lactate
30 April 2017 Andy T Having a good shit is better than an average wank
30 April 2017 Andy T I don't touch the darks Discussing real ales...
16 April 2017 Andy T I would fuck me
20 March 2017 Andy T It's nasal spray, not anal spray!
19 March 2017 Nick Peer Don't know why I got a pint. I don't really want it. The only time Nick Peer regretted getting a pint to wash down his whale fish platter at breakfast after a night of heavy drinking
18 March 2017 Nick Peer 10 beers... No chance of an erection. Wishing he was able to engage in sexual intercourse with Andy T
11 March 2017 Andy T It just doesn't seem right having a big piece of meat on a Sunday without some vegetables
19 Dec. 2016 Andy T I'm so full of curry that it scares me
11 Dec. 2016 Andy T I make love gravy
11 Dec. 2016 Katherine T I can't imagine my life without gravy
19 Oct. 2016 Fred He looks like from the cover of a pork scratching package Commenting a picture of Josh deBOER!
19 July 2016 Richard Walker My cock is bigger than Castle Hill
17 July 2016 Richard Walker My arse brings happiness
2 July 2016 Nick Peer I got so annoyed I pissed myself
19 June 2016 Andy T I'm just gonna go to the toilet stage and create a bottom symphony of my own
18 June 2016 Facebook woman to Andy T Put some clothes on you pervert pig
29 May 2016 Nick Peer I thought it was Chris Payne but it was a woman
14 May 2016 Rob F to Andy T Your arse is the equivalent of Susan Boyle's face
25 April 2016 Andy T I'm Nick Peer's personal cock slut
10 April 2016 Random person on Facebook The presence of a young woman can be distressing to some of the older twats Discussing why Pauline got banned from 'The Real Ale Twats' Facebook group
15 March 2016 Wolfman If I forced a fart that much, I'd shit myself Watching questionable pornography
15 March 2016 Wolfman Rihanna's got a big forehead, I like that.
13 March 2016 Pauline I wish I could find Jesus
13 March 2016 Nick P I don't want to get too drunk tonight so I'll have no more than 6 pints
12 March 2016 Andy T to Rob F My face is your jizz receptacle
10 March 2016 Fred Chris is the Hilter
6 March 2016 Rob F I'm dryer than the pyramids
26 Feb. 2016 Random teenager at gig Amon Amarth is about as heavy as I'll go
23 Feb. 2016 Andy T 'Happy Mess', that's what I'm going to call my cum now Watching The Great British Bake Off...
14 Dec. 2015 Andy T I should be the country's main supply of gas
29 Nov. 2015 Wolfman I wouldn't want to drink jizz
13 Nov. 2015 Annie I'm not a big fan of soap
11 Nov. 2015 Andy T I get the feeling I've unleashed something horrible upon the world... And I'm not talking about my bottom.
7 Nov. 2015 Andy T Listen to my arse trumpets!
7 Nov. 2015 Julie Andy's just one big chicken nugget
18 Sept. 2015 Andy T If priests let the kids roam free by the church, then they get free-range children
20 June 2015 Mike F Fuck grapefruit!
15 June 2015 Richard Walker Anyone else's blood I'll happily give you
12 June 2015 Pauline To Jack M: When are you going to wear your first bra?
11 June 2015 Huw Pauline: Who have you murdered? Huw: just random people... Discussing the meaning of dreams
11 June 2015 Nick P Alcohol is my one and only love
11 June 2015 Pauline I just want Baby Jesus up my butt!
19 May 2015 Nick P I love beer more than I love people
15 May 2015 Josh Triceratops are horny bastards
24 April 2015 Bernardo I think they had a gig in the UK recently... actually maybe it was a festival... in Germany...
11 March 2015 Josh I have an erect belly
7 March 2015 Andy T I wanna see some male arses!
20 Feb. 2015 Josh Andy has a magnificent chest
15 Nov. 2014 Peter Silke Have you never wanted to spank a goat?
7 Oct. 2014 Random posh fresher Rock music... That's far too edgy for me!
12 June 2014 Richard Walker Talking about ducks: 'oblivious idiots!'
5 June 2014 Lurky As if Yorkshire pudding wasn't big enough to contain your sausages! Supposedly discussing English cuisine...
15 May 2014 Andy T In a state of shock: '[insert name here] is not a dude?!'
8 Feb. 2014 Chris P They're about as edgy as a football Chris contemplates how generic a particular band is
1 May 2013 Jessi Are you saying "spunk" isn't a colour?
17 March 2013 Sarah We may have to do more phallus beating
9 March 2013 Richard Watts "What the world needs is more tentacles"
9 March 2013 Mike Sargent That's President Fizzbitch to you!
12 Feb. 2013 Peter Silke First world black metal problems! Referring to the fact he couldn't drink easily without getting his corpse paint in his mouth. D'awww.
7 Feb. 2013 Jessi I'm not advocating the use of jam in an orgy
7 Feb. 2013 Mike Sargent What is the sexiest type of pickle? [to smear on someone in an orgy]
7 Feb. 2013 Laurence I've seen homemade dildos made out of pumpkin (on the internet)
22 Jan. 2013 Mike Pain There's nothing wrong with looking good in a skirt. Talking about dressing in Hannah's clothes.
22 Jan. 2013 Hannah Rose Maybe I should've dressed up in PVC guttering then! Commenting on the desirability of wearing PVC clothing to WUS.
22 March 2012 Scrabble Board in Pub AAUUUU WE ARE ALL THE SEEDY HORRENDOUS WAVEY CLITORIS PROLAPSE VIBE FROTTING DOOM JIZZ AXE GANG MEN The outcome of a game of "freeform" scrabble...
20 March 2012 Sian Jones I have penis in my hair and on my face!
20 March 2012 Crazy Tony And then I cockblocked him by barking down the phone!
20 March 2012 Sian Jones ... Something about penises ...
20 March 2012 Sian Jones Water not penis juice!
8 March 2012 Zoe (reported) Your eyelids, they're so sparkly... I want to line my nest with your eyelids
8 March 2012 Mike/Andy Mike: Don't fork with me; Andy: Your razor sharp wit has won the day... Well, I say 'razor sharp'
18 Feb. 2012 Philip/Andy Philip: 'It needs a large base, a narrow top, two big handles to hold onto and...' Andy: 'Is that your ideal woman then?' Rumours have it that Philip was describing a beaker suitable for use of the Hon. Sec. No comment.
9 Feb. 2012 Lionel In a completely non sexual way... I'd love to meet his mum again.
4 Nov. 2011 jen Usually, it's not any better in context.
6 Oct. 2011 Philip 'The crack is wet'
29 Sept. 2011 Becky 'They're not students, they're all people' of people at a pub quiz at the Empress
21 Aug. 2011 Iain paterson My penis is magnetically attracted to Jen
2 June 2011 Siân This is why I like history, you don't have to lick anything
2 June 2011 Danny Well, reading Nietzche does get me pretty horny
2 June 2011 Helen Shouldn't look at them to closely, don't like to see the hairs
18 May 2011 Iain P There's one gay guy I only know because I had to do things for him.
18 May 2011 Danny Johnson All 3 year olds have body image issues, especially those without a body
13 May 2011 Lionel I really can't stop looking at you're breasts To beth webb
12 May 2011 Amy He does enjoy having his face in your boobs
5 May 2011 Zoë "pale jiggling nerdflesh" The hon. sec. is informed that she does not want to know the context.
4 May 2011 Lionel You fit it in your vagina To andy
4 May 2011 Iain Lionel, *you* fit it in your vagina?
28 April 2011 Simon Wouldn't be like anyone in Rocksoc to be weird...
28 April 2011 Helen "Argh, argh, many pens!"
28 April 2011 Zoë "It looks like a cross between a dragon and a chicken"
29 Jan. 2011 Tamsyn Invisible weapons just don't seem to cut it any more.
1 Jan. 2011 Kim E You can't wear somebody else's face! To David G r.e. tin-foil masks
5 Nov. 2010 Andy T A little bit of monkey never hurt anyone response to a monkey masturbating in his beer
5 Nov. 2010 Andy T I don't want your boggley eyed poo in my piss vodka.
19 June 2010 Beth I would be willing to be disturbed in the name of zombie porn.
15 June 2010 Amy B (at the Calling) I'm quite disappointed that I'm still alive. Assassins
14 June 2010 David G One of the boobs is a bit messed up Talking about his very innocent Rubik's cube
14 June 2010 Jen Do you have to screw it in two places to make it come out? Coconut
12 June 2010 Rosalind & Beth Rosalind: That's the first time I've caught anything! Beth: except AIDS Rosalind triumphantly catches a frisbee
12 June 2010 Simon Simon: I don't know whether to be flattered that you think my cock is alcoholic! Beth: well you did say "Old Peculiar"!
12 June 2010 Beth I might ring Dixie and abuse her till she comes.
12 June 2010 Tamsyn [my crotch] is only accessible if you are an athlete
11 June 2010 Tamsyn [Beth's breasts] are incredibly inflatable. Results of corsets
25 April 2010 Kim I'm pretty sure cooking isn't suppose to involve a hammer to Nick J, happily smashing the hell out of chocolate to make choc chips
25 April 2010 Tamsyn I've never seen you from this angle before to Simon Mc V
22 April 2010 John H I thought you were a woman at first, I was about to hit on you... said to Thewsey in discussion on eyeliner
13 April 2010 John S Next time you're in the Portland, look at the tiles and think "Penises" He nods sagely after imparting his zen phrase...
31 March 2010 Kim *singing* Here come the men in black *suddenly stops* OMG THEY'RE GOTHS!
14 March 2010 Helen It looked horrible. I thought of you. To Nick J
28 Feb. 2010 Mark B I'm not that much of a fan of Pussy... Mark expresses his disfavour of Rammstein's latest album. Hooray for out of context quotes!
13 Feb. 2010 Mark B I've never seen a film with a double ended dildo... oh wait...
7 Feb. 2010 Jen I'd probe myself but I don't think I'd like it...
5 Feb. 2010 John H Grass counts as one of your 5-a-day, you know A pearl of wisdom from the sober John!
5 Feb. 2010 John H I can't believe it's not buttocks! I'm crying on the inside... A slightly more inebriated John this time...
5 Feb. 2010 Dixie Black Jesus, black Mary... black Michael Jackson; what's going on?! Commenting on how Tamsyn's single black glove was flying madly in the face of the expected shade!
30 Jan. 2010 Beth E Oh wait, I thought you were talking about necrophilia when you said necromancy
3 Jan. 2010 Helen It sounded like someone in the juice carton calling for help!
7 May 2009 Doreé I'm not a tramp I'm an alcoholic! Doreé recalls a drunken evening in Halifax
16 April 2009 John B I was lucid dreaming but couldn't think of anything to do... so I woke up
10 April 2009 Richard I don't know whether to cry or masturbate . I'll try both.
15 May 2008 Elaine I once did it with a pool triangle.
25 April 2008 Keith How long before someone puts a stick of rock up their arse?
20 March 2007 Richard Spilk: that feeling you've just cum in the milk again Richard invents a new word, and the meaning behind it - the "again" is a nice touch...
12 Feb. 2007 Simon Kit is metal enough to be welded to things.
12 Feb. 2007 Mikki You're not going anywhere NEAR my PCI slot!
12 Feb. 2007 Kit I've never found any gold-plated places on Mikki.
5 Feb. 2007 Richard It's the subtle interplay of sex, booze & fags...
5 Feb. 2007 Kit Bloody Oliver - It's like a Bloody Mary but tastes worse.
5 Feb. 2007 Richard Fiona is taking a more than professional interest in proceedings.
3 Feb. 2007 Fiona I don't have any expanses of hair large enough for Monk.
27 Jan. 2007 Mark T I don't do animals, unfortunately.
21 Jan. 2007 Fiona I'm not against breasts per se
20 Jan. 2007 Rachel I would volunteer myself, but I don't have as many innuendos as Fiona Regarding 20 Questions
20 Jan. 2007 Rachel Reading Nietzsche is like reading Livejournal
20 Jan. 2007 Dan Except me, who is unquoted...
20 Jan. 2007 Fiona/Simon F: Mmm, vanilla. *lick* *lick* / S: You can taste me if you want. Regarding kinky vs vanilla
20 Jan. 2007 Oli It was lots of fun and not very sticky On jelly wrestling
20 Jan. 2007 Nick J The non-stick frying pan sprouted
20 Jan. 2007 Richard I'm seeing what vegetables I can set fire to
20 Jan. 2007 Simon Richard, even *your* ego doesn't have flying buttresses
20 Jan. 2007 Jen What's wrong with carpets?
20 Jan. 2007 Fiona Richard's nice, in a dodgy way
15 Jan. 2007 Richard Oli! I never thought you'd spread your legs for me!
15 Jan. 2007 Simon To Nick: Right then, threaten not-to-threaten Haydon with pain until he hands over the money. Haydon is a member of CUFS...
15 Jan. 2007 Richard It's a bit like Lego. You never have the right bits.
15 Jan. 2007 Richard Don't sleep with Nick [J], he twists things
28 Dec. 2006 Nick J/John Nick: You just want to be raped by squirrels. - John: That's one of the most popular fantasies.
28 Dec. 2006 Fiona I don't do anything except the best steak.
28 Dec. 2006 Clive/Richard Clive: You're out by 18 orders of magnitude. - Richard: I'm drunk.
28 Dec. 2006 John Oh, here's Elise. She can be the voice of sanity.
9 Dec. 2006 Lupie What? My breasts aren't a social transgression!
1 Dec. 2006 Iain Our cake is as heavy as our metal and our tea is as black as our souls Suggesting a slogan for the Rocksoc Tea Shop Crawl
22 Sept. 2006 Markachu and Ian M: I'm engaged. / I: You're gay?! / M: Engaged. It's the same, but with a woman.
22 Sept. 2006 Baz I'm happy in my pants. About Transformers, concerningly.
19 Sept. 2006 Siobhan I'm not convinced I like being called a buffer state.
16 Sept. 2006 Monk I'm not evil, I swear.
25 Aug. 2006 Baz Was I asleep on your shoulder? Sorry, I thought you were Emma To Mark
11 Aug. 2006 Emma For winter haiku / Write seventeen syllables / With pen on pulped trees
11 Aug. 2006 Dorée You went to the bar and didn't get me whisky, even though Baz had licked my forehead.
8 Aug. 2006 Richard You've got to wonder about the pope. ... He's gorgeous and I want to have his spawn.
6 Aug. 2006 Richard I know something she doesn't. I know we're turning left in 0.75 miles. While being overtaken by Tish
24 July 2006 Cat I'm not talking to myself; I'm talking to the Oliver in my head.
21 July 2006 Richard It's not a fish fetish! It's an appreciation of piscine beauty.
14 July 2006 Jess A slight problem is that I'll be at church when we're meant to be at this goat sacrifice... To a priest.
16 June 2006 Jess That's not a joke, that's a jail sentence waiting to happen!
9 June 2006 Lupie The Tutu of Reason forbids thee from pulling, um, thy others' hair.
9 June 2006 Dorée Google Image Search is actually quite bad for torn human flesh.
9 June 2006 Dorée/Mark D: You do realise you're going to have to dress up in vast quantities of yellow feathers on your wedding night. - M: I'm gagging for it. About Richard and Mark's elopement
28 April 2006 Cat I want Dorée's lesbian cherry. On a stick.
28 April 2006 Richard It's a lot easier to raise hell while stone-cold sober. There's less faffing about and more getting straight to the jugular.
17 March 2006 mjg59 If you attach a chicken to your face you will get severe lacerations. You cannot do that with a live chicken. None
13 March 2006 Oliver It's such a great term, skanking. None
13 March 2006 Oliver Is [Keith's child] going to be called Krull the Destroyer? Regardless of gender? None
13 March 2006 Keith & Oliver Keith: [My membership card] was made of potato skins. - Oliver: I shudder to think what you did with it. None
13 March 2006 Oliver The positive powers of bullying. It's touching, it really is. None
27 Feb. 2006 Jimmer/Oliver Jimmer: Football nearly killed you last year. - Oliver: Yeah, but I've got more inhalers now. None
13 Feb. 2006 Oliver Oh, I don't care about personal hygiene None
6 Feb. 2006 Andy Dude! How many orifices do you have?! to Fiona
6 Feb. 2006 Fiona But you'll ruin my reputation! complaining about these quotes
12 Dec. 2005 Oliver Baz! How are you doing, you degenerate waste of oxygen? And people wonder why he's called "Lovely Oliver"
12 Dec. 2005 Oliver I'm using the gentle gel today None
12 Dec. 2005 Oliver Baz, you've got cellulite None
2 Dec. 2005 Mikki They have hair. They have one song. What more do you want? None
11 April 2005 Emma Stop terrorising my boyfriend you evil hairless git To Oliver by text message
11 April 2005 Baz They're poking me now!
11 April 2005 Elizabeth Why is it, it always jumps out and gets so sticky?
11 April 2005 Elizabeth My trousers are falling off. Does anyone have a piece of string?
11 April 2005 Fiona You're making the category sticky To Oliver
13 June 2004 Elizabeth You'd better wait till we get a good bottom, this bottom here's really shitty.
13 June 2004 Karol I can always get my pole up!
23 March 2004 KT It is a very popular service, and very sticky...
9 Oct. 2003 Nicko The Wurst is yet to come.
1 Sept. 2003 Colette Baz was definitely unimpressive.
31 July 2003 Ian It makes me want to build a pirate ship and sail the seven seas promoting metal. On seeing Running Wild.
29 May 2003 Emma There's bits that go GRRR and there's bits that go WHEEE!
6 March 2003 Elizabeth (phone rings) ...Oh Christ, it's Eternal Damnation!
6 March 2003 Elizabeth I know how to spell it - I'm a paeleontologist.
18 Jan. 2003 Ben Please fist Baz. (to Emma)
13 Jan. 2003 Richard Last time I sold my body I made a loss.
10 Nov. 2002 Oli Ian's easy.
10 Nov. 2002 Emma Oh god, it was like 'Bring a spoon, go nuts!'.
10 Nov. 2002 Baz I'm just as straight as Oli.
10 Nov. 2002 Ian Speedbumps just annoy me, so I refuse to pander to them.
10 Nov. 2002 Jay I can't get me fucking finger in the hole.
10 Nov. 2002 Andy You want to get me on Rohypnol. To Ian C.
10 Nov. 2002 Baz Get your monkey out. To Ian C.
10 Nov. 2002 Andy We'll get him; we just have to be quick. Referring to Baz.
10 Nov. 2002 Ian It looks like the Andrex Puppy is being raped by King Kong.
10 Nov. 2002 Baz Can I get a black cherry milkshake, please? On a tea-shop crawl, this is scandalous.
10 Nov. 2002 Emma If in doubt, stab it with a spoon.
10 Nov. 2002 Colette Smell my fingers.
10 Nov. 2002 Oli Are you sure they serve tea here? In the Regal
10 Nov. 2002 (random guy at the bar) Aaargh, it's Frank Spencer on acid! On seeing Ed.
10 Nov. 2002 Mike (?) For £500 million, I'd shag the old man. (friend of Colette)
31 Oct. 2002 KT I'd ask Deano before you fiddle with it None
31 Oct. 2002 Ian Campbell I can't focus on your tiny pecker. None
31 Oct. 2002 Andy Morgan Oli looks like he's been felching. None
31 Oct. 2002 Baz I'm not in denial. I'm just not a goth. Evidence to the contrary includes the fact that he has just dyed his hair black.
31 Oct. 2002 Elizabeth You're pissed, aren't you, Baz? That'll be why you've got your corpsepaint smeared all over you ears. Baz's reply was a simple "Yes".
21 Sept. 2002 KT That's old rock'n'roll; new rock'n'roll is prettier and more fragrant. None
5 Sept. 2002 Oliver-Michael Goodnight gentlemen, ladies. Oh, and Oli. None
5 Aug. 2002 Baz Oli, you can't make it rock-related by putting "RockSoc trip to" in front of it. None
15 July 2002 Elizabeth Does one often find drunk Germans in ones tent? Sounding hopeful.
15 July 2002 Richard Watts These are people who read the instructions on a pack of condoms; they're capable of anything! None
15 July 2002 Oli None of you need a drink, do you? Makes it look like I have no friends! None
15 July 2002 Baz I can get it up in under 30 seconds. None
15 July 2002 Baz Everybody ultimately succumbs to the Monkey. None
15 July 2002 Baz Oliver will fuck me up, as it were... None
15 July 2002 Baz ...and a jar of mayonnaise. None
15 July 2002 Oli We could just do the whole committee twice. None
15 July 2002 Elizabeth Are we going down separately tomorrow? To Ian Campbell.
15 July 2002 Elizabeth Don't spill that on my trousers - I have to wear them for Slayer. None
15 July 2002 Richard Watts Someone's nicked my seat! None
15 July 2002 Oli Yes, and that someone has made a sticky mess all over the floor. None
1 July 2002 Jimmer Get your fucking fish out of my pint. None
1 July 2002 Emma Look at my hands, I'm playing the saxophone of horror. None